I sat down elevent minutes ago and wrote an entirely different post. Then I realized that those words aren’t the words that I need to say today. Those words have their time, and they have their place, but it’s not today.
Today is for change.
I have been really busy this semester, more than I ever thought I would be, but that hasn’t stopped me from getting it all done.
But one thing I realized in these past few weeks is that I have neglected Thinking in Fragments. This was supposed to be a journal, a honest place where I could remember exactly how I felt at almost any given moment.
Somehow, I found myself pinning stuff to a secret blogging board about SEO and how to have great content posts. That isn’t what I want. I want a blog where I can put my true feelings out there, where I can just let some stuff live and grow. Maybe post some of my writing, start to build a portfolio for whenever I figure out what I want to do. Maybe then I could tell people I have a blog and I wouldn’t feel my face get hot as soon as the words leave my mouth.
This blog moved from being my true feelings to something fake. Not that bloggers who blog for a living are fake or anything. I think that what they are doing is fantastic, and I wish I had the dedication, time, and heart to do that.
I want Thinking in Fragments to be something where I can just put my soul into words and figure out how I like those words to sound together, and move them around until I find the way that flows the most honestly and beautifully to me.
My entire life, I’ve said that honestly is truly one of the most important things to me. If you’re honest with me, then we can eventually work out any troubles that may come between us. And I feel like I haven’t been very honest on this blog. I want to be completely honest and myself and use Thinking in Fragments to help me figure out what else is important to me.
And I want to figure out what those “fragments” in the title are. I want to figure them out and help them find the rest of the words they need to become the complete sentence that they have the potential to become. Because I want to become my own complete sentence. And honestly, this is the only way I can think of to do that.
I’m tired of trying to put on this front. I want honesty and truth, and I want to be able to figure it out myself. So there are probably going to be some changes coming to Thinking in Fragments. I hope you’ll stick around to help me see what they are. If this isn’t your groove, that’s completely fine. I just want to learn how to be there for myself, and I hope that by piecing together the fragments, I will be able to.